It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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