dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
