there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
