we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
