I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
