If that was your dad, he is hot
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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