I wish I could teleport
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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