does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
