That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
