I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
