Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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