He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
