so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
