is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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