I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
