Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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