dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
