its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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