just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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