Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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