you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
