i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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