I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
