the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
