He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
