Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
