i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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