READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
