well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
