I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
