I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
