I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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