Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
