Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
