Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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