beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
