Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
