My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
