I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
