My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
