Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
