Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
