I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
