We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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