is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
