the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
