I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
someone owes me an orgasm
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
