I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
