I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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