My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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