Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
