were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
