and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
